THE DAY I SPOKE TO ME….

She stared at the photograph, “When did I lose you?” She asked her younger self. The same, deep eyes stared back at her “Maybe when you became a people pleaser….” “Really?” “You started giving up on your dreams and became a regular person because, honestly, no one could weigh up that you were unique or exceptional.”
She sighed, “I know… I was too good to be true but I let people walk all over me!” “You were trying to blend in! You were trying to be cool like them!!! You gave in to horrendous and abhorrent attitudes!”
A flash of memory and then the bitterest silence fell around her.
She knew what had been the main reason. She wasn’t as breathtakingly beautiful as ‘they’ were. She was just an ordinary looking girl. ‘They’ were the flawless, the diva likes…. they were the privileged. She recalled painfully how everyone doted upon their beauty, their fair skin, their silly hair. She was an easy target… a marionette… an absolute joy to be taken on a ride. She hated it!
But at the same time she thought she was born to be taken for granted. Oh you poor soul!
She quickly wiped off a tear trickling down her cheek. “Yeah, cry more… you’re good at that! Cry baby!” “Don’t call me that!” “Why? Does it bring back old, painful memories? You should have learned to control your emotions.” “I was a child!” “You were defying demons all day long!” She put the picture frame away. Who was she kidding? She was so full of life, she had so many dreams but she had no self esteem or self confidence….. just a couple of unfulfilled dreams and unachievable ambitions.
The lies, the deceit, the name calling, the body shaming… it was an endless list. How could a thirteen year old handle that??!!
Those ugly souls with beautiful faces ruined her… scarred her forever…

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Mitti ka ghar

Mitti ka ghar,

Taron ki chhat,

Pani ka salan,

Parson ki roti……

Khwabon ki orhni,

Dukhon ka bichouna,

Pariyon ki kahani,

Yadon ka aasra……

Phir chaleen dard ki hawain,

Rishton ki sadain,

Phir huway hum paraye,

Aur tum anjanay…..

Mitti ka ghar,

Samander ki lehrain,

Tootay na kaisey?

Kion na bahain?

Umeedon ke saharay,

Jeenay ke bahanay……

My companion

Will it shatter because of the agony?
Bit by bit,
Piece by piece,
Will it be brimming with grief that I will have nothing to stitch it back?Will it incinerate to ashes with the fury of regret?
Inch by inch,
Slowly but surely,
Will it be too late to put out the fire?I implored my heart.
Silence.
It had made the ultimate sacrifice, a long time ago.
Sore.
Betrayed.
Adrifted.

Lost not to be found…..

Every other night,

Whenever I’m going through my messages,

I often type your name,

The last time you said something

Was last year,

The last time we fought

Was last year,

The time you are “online”

Is now,

Just now I saw “online”

Under your name,

I wanted to reach out and say,

Hello,

How are you, frère?

Did you miss me?

Did you miss the chats,

The long distance calls,

The “Do you remembers?”

The fights,

The arguments,

The scrabble matches?

Do you miss me?

Do you remember who I am?

Do you?

Absolute Existence

Masking beneath the crisp of my skin,

Devouring on my exquisite ichor,

It is alive,

My fear, my angst of losing you.

I yearn for the similar quietude,

The sanity of the heartless world I dwelled in,

I can’t be a prisoner,

The prison, the stockade of undesirable thoughts.

Slithering through my persona,

Mutilating my very existence,

Life piercing through my heart,

Its claws, the talons of reality.

I silence my very soul,

The quiet is killing the stillness inside me,

Your voice soothing the struggle,

The sound, the softness brings me back to you.

The books I would write……

The books I would write will come from far and away,

Tales of family, miseries of friends, heartbreaks of loved ones, day by day,

The books I would write will have experiences of the young and old,

It will be precious advice written with love and in gold,

The books I would write will enlighten our very souls,

They will shape us, guide us, will define our roles,

The books I will write will have stories from the past and the future,

We will see what went wrong and paint a better picture,

The books I would write will glow in the dark, twinkle in a storm, shine in your path,

The books will be our best friends, here on earth….

Siblings

Friends for life,

You and I,

Born to be together,

Fate bonded us.

You smiled and I laughed,

I cried and you hurt,

Blood is thicker than anything,

Blood is the same in you and me.

Then why?

Why did we drift apart?

Why did you let go of my hand?

Why did you turn away?

Friends for eternity,

You and I,

How can we not be together?

How can fate separate us for forever?

You stood by me, I grew stronger,

You gave me hope, I flew higher,

Our bond is mightier than a sword,

Our love is not attached with a thread.

So why?

Just tell me,

I will walk a mile for you

I will climb mountain,

Just to bring you back.